The Golden Gnome is more than a trophy we bought on Amazon
Well, it’s not really, it’s defintiely off Amazon. And yeah, it’s not golden, or even metal. It’s plastic.
But the golden gnome is a symbol of what we’re building at Mumba. It’s a symbol of impact. Achievement. Excellence. Brilliance.
Getting shit done.
If it’s on your desk, it means you did a thing. A thing worth celebrating.
Well done you, you thing doing person!
That thing you did, we believe to be gnome worthy. But you may be wondering, where did the gnome come from?
Amazon. Remember?
I mean, it says it in 200pt type at the top of the page.
Clearly, the gnome wasnt awarded to you for great listening.
Jokes. The gnome’s origin is shrouded in myth and legend. Some say the origin of this wonderful figure is magical.
So lets run with that. Imagine it was a magical thing. What’s the origin story?
And here. we. go.
Yeah, we’re really committing to this golden gnome thing…
The Gilded Rebellion:
The Origin of the Golden Gnomes of Muu
In the beginning, before the age of Metrics and Dashboards, before the tyrannical Reign of Manual Processes, there was only Muu — a mist-shrouded realm floating somewhere between PowerPoint and prophecy. A land of rolling compliance hills, onboarding meadows, and the legendary Lava Lakes of Employee Engagement.
It was here, in the deepest, darkest cavern of Mount Deadline, that the Golden Gnomes were forged.
They weren’t born, no. They were cast — hammered from the molten ambitions of a thousand overstretched HR managers and polished with the tears of middle managers who missed another system update. Legend says the first spark came when an ancient goldsmith, Grogg the Workflow Unifier, screamed into the void:
“There must be a better way to do this!” And the forge roared to life.
Crafted by the Goldsmiths of Flow - mystical artisans who could automate a six-step approval chain in their sleep - the Golden Gnomes were built for one sacred mission:
To liberate Muu from the Maze of Clunky Systems.
Each gnome bears a sigil: Excellence, Bravery, Impact, Collaboration, or Celebration. (Because nothing says destiny like a clear brand architecture.) Clad in shimmering plates of compliance gold and armed with the hammers of Change Management, they emerged one by one… short, shiny, and statistically overqualified.
But don’t be fooled. These are not your average lawn-dwelling garden punks. These are the Gilded Legion of Muu, unblinking, unbreaking, and deeply, deeply sarcastic.
They march not just for glory… Not just for productivity…
But because some poor soul somewhere clicked “Remind Me Later” on a critical policy update — and now the gnomes must avenge.
Their enemies are many:
The Hydra of Legacy Platforms
The Spreadsheet Swarm
Karen from Payroll (no offence, Karen, but you’ve got to stop using fax)
And yet they persist, grim and golden, tiny boots echoing across the marble halls of HR transformation.
Some say they’re just a metaphor. Some say they’re a weird internal joke that got way, way out of hand. But those who’ve glimpsed them on the Ridge of Rollout know the truth:
The Golden Gnomes of Muu are real. And they’ve just updated your onboarding module.
Crafted by goldsmiths in the ancient land of Muu
More than a trophy
A legion of honour.
And glory.
An honour, err, glory roll of people that did a thing.
A thing that made us all say…“wow, that person sure did a thing”
We salute you, the person who did a thing for doing that thing you did.
Bradley Paikin - for relentles Brad-ing of the SDR numbers. Bradley Paikin posesses gold plated dialling, impeccable style and relentless booking reliability. The OG of our SDR team.
Bradley Paikin - for relentles Brad-ing of the SDR numbers. Bradley Paikin posesses gold plated dialling, impeccable style and relentless booking reliability. The OG of our SDR team.
Joshua Waters - for brilliantly demoing, opening a deal and then closing said deal, in Mumba record time. Joshua Waters boss-ed the BDR role to the point Gavin, Ant and all were left with only one word; woah... Which is wild for Gavin.
Joshua Waters - for brilliantly demoing, opening a deal and then closing said deal, in Mumba record time. Joshua Waters boss-ed the BDR role to the point Gavin, Ant and all were left with only one word; woah... Which is wild for Gavin.
Maximillian Saunders for an incredible week of meeting booking domination. Maxim impressed - with an incredible 9, count them NINE bookings in just 5 days.
Maximillian Saunders for an incredible week of meeting booking domination. Maxim impressed - with an incredible 9, count them NINE bookings in just 5 days.
Lachlan redefined the term beginners brilliance, with bravely booking a meeting within mere hours of dialing. Later, it turned out he booked a meeting with his own mother, who actually ended up buying some HR software after Ant said use cases 5,936,492 times in a 15minute zoom call. She went with the diamond package. Nikki is unsure how we're going to implement it in 3 days. Ant said 'yolo, not my problem bitches'
Lachlan redefined the term beginners brilliance, with bravely booking a meeting within mere hours of dialing. Later, it turned out he booked a meeting with his own mother, who actually ended up buying some HR software after Ant said use cases 5,936,492 times in a 15minute zoom call. She went with the diamond package. Nikki is unsure how we're going to implement it in 3 days. Ant said 'yolo, not my problem bitches'
Jony, and Sam
Meet the team behind
the golden gnome
No expense was spared with the development of this meaningless yet very meaningful recognition of doing a thing at Mumba.
Jony Ive and Sam Altman’s lawyers would like to make it clear they had nothing to do with our golden gnome trophy and have never heard of Mumba at all.
Also, Clinton’s weird obsession with this image is becoming a concern amongst many in the office.
Made by the time wasters from Mumba Marketing
”While you handle the real work, we’ll handle the colouring in”